Equinox lacus autumni
I love the fall!
Actually, I always thought that summer is the best time of year, but when I think more closely, it's the fall that evokes in me a pleasant feeling. It
it's autumn, golden if he is, reveals the most beautiful side of nature.
Is it not the fall, where you can enjoy the sun is most intense for fear that it is the last warm day it could be the year?
Is not it the autumn, which tells us that nothing lasts forever, whether joy or sorrow?
.... The best memories of my life, it all happened in the fall.
I miss it a bit the Autumn in Marburg. Or in general in Germany, where it is a little greener than here. Moreover, it is now the second time in a row that I miss the autumn in Germany. Unfortunately, I will
time for the start of the winter back in Europe.
Is it really a disease, a regret?
I do not, it's a mixed feeling.
Tomoko and I have therefore decided not to stay in Japan, but to go to Germany. There are several reasons.
First of course work. Japan is nunmal a country where more work is expected as in Germany and in the more commitment and task for the job.
This has however to Result that, for example, in the summer, were days where Tomoko and I could see less than 2 hours per day, although we live together.
Apart from the fact that I have found to date no suitable work, because I do not feel like kindergarten or English teacher.
be augmented with the exorbitant cost of living, the narrowness, the fact that Tomoko would rather live in Germany than in Japan and and and ...
I feel old.
It started with the fact that after a long time I re-installed MGS, and it did get to work.
And that was it. This, once epic masterpiece that is "better than most movies is. Quite Not at all subtle, illogical and sometimes almost ridiculous, although I previously felt was a very big deal.
Somehow I associate the autumn break. With the change, with a fresh start.
Lately I often ponder over the past years. About all that has happened and what it means to me.
I look at my little sister and see that it is still a child. It is still not too long ago that I was the same age.
early twenties ... because you somehow thought you would be ready, fully developed and familiar with the course of events. They thought they had seen it all could judge everything would be clever and enough to solve all the problems of the world.
What was that great but for a time. If it was all just as I remembered it. Because sometimes ... I think that so many things but can not even have been true ...
fall of 2003.
I was still at school. And somehow the world was there all right. My world was small and uncomplicated. Basically it was just me and a few people around.
At that time, had no goal, only small steps. No plan, no concrete idea of me, the real world, or his place in it. At that time it was
every day the same thing.
The fight against fatigue.
somehow bring the school day behind.
From the afternoon then with electronic entertainment into no man's land.
At that time, was an idealist. At that time, people still refused to violate his principles, no matter what were the consequences. Rigid and relatively intolerant.
At that time still thought that the launch would not only fall and that they would then start full.
The solution to almost all problems of the world were still on hand, why I was the only one who had seen it?
time I was still the only intelligent person on earth, while all others are just robots that have given up, and guided only by their instincts can be. At that time there were
female anime characters, to a sleepless night prepared ...
those days you could still move everything to front.
Then everything was still pretty simple.
Autumn 2004:
change. With the year 2004 and the end of school came the first real awakening.
suddenly realized that the world is bigger than you ever thought.
suddenly had to realize that things are not as simple as you always thought.
Suddenly it was clear that things do not get it by itself.
suddenly realized that it alone can not provide.
Suddenly they were aware of his addiction.
Suddenly it was no longer enough just to see. Suddenly you feel wanted.
indifference became depressed.
confidence was too scared.
of a sudden it was not even in the center of the world.
Suddenly there was no goal anymore.
was suddenly no longer set the direction. Suddenly
was a risk to run in circles.
Before it was thought it would be freedom, but suddenly it was also uncertainty.
began with the university a new chapter in my life. Suddenly my world was much larger.
They learned many new people and the volumes between them became more complicated.
of a sudden the world was enormous. Where previously only our house and the school and not much else had been at once the whole world and in many Respect, it was too big.
And suddenly it was wonderful!
Suddenly it was believed that the launch has now fallen, that now, its wings spread and that the film can finally have all that you have already painted more.
But the reality was not quite so simple.
too quickly recognized that it is not so simple.
It was wrong. It has always seen it's all so easy in ...
It lies about me?
on And once there was only fear.
That fear was manifested and she dragged me into a deep hole.
was at once the life is worth nothing.
Suddenly we were alone.
For the first time in my life I was really alone.
It was everywhere around me people ...
Autumn 2005:
But it should not ever had this feeling of loneliness and the depression. should
occurred at for ages suddenly a man in my life to dispel all the darkness of a sudden all the bad thoughts and make nothing.
For that I am very grateful.
That definitely was the best time of my life. Something I'll never forget, and which I could ponder for hours.
And in one fell swoop we got up the next stage.
Suddenly it was perfect. Not perfect, but a perfect human being like all the others. No Envy, no more looking up more and no self-pity.
Suddenly life was almost automatically
Insurmountable problems were suddenly no longer an obstacle.
Suddenly it was even one of these robots, but it was a nice feeling.
And suddenly was not afraid anymore. Suddenly, it seemed, anything was possible again.
When I speak of the beauty of autumn, I've always this fall before my eyes.
The sun, the leaves, the city, she and I. It is one of the strongest and most detailed memories in my head, much stronger than the first time, Final Fantasy, the first sex or the first kiss.
Fall 2006: And
it should be even better.
After many years, always on my mind was, should now fulfill a little dream: I was allowed to go to Japan for a year.
an experience for which I am very grateful. Anyone who has the means should take the chance and go for a long time abroad.
The experience of being a foreigner, to see outside the box .... all these are invaluable experiences that make me the world has since seen with different eyes.
This whole debate about the integration of foreigners in Germany would probably run quite different if the people involved would have made this experience even once.
Autumn 2007:
reintegration in the old country.
Definitely one of the strangest feelings of my life. Man is a creature of habit, but it is frightening that you can quickly get used to some things.
Oddly heard the return, after just one year of abstinence does not do so.
One year Japan had clouded my pretty head.
Suddenly there was a new Germany to discover and it took about six months until they had found his place again.
Fall 2008: An autumn full
ugly memories.
Coping with the separation of the, at that time, important people in my life. This
Fall I had a cold and gray in memory. Not a single solar day is left in my head.
only every day, the question of how it should now go on with life.
Even though my world was then in ruins, and I would have given anything for it to turn back the time, I have to say today, but that this time was after the separation of Yoshie one of the most in my life. Perhaps as important as once of ourselves together.
In a way, this time marked the definitive end of my naive youth.
This time I was definitely older, and perhaps even made more mature.
So much it hurt, and even today still hurts sometimes, but it was an experience which had to be made.
Without this experience would all come much worse. Maybe not the next day, maybe not today, but someday ...
This purification opened new doors, new ways and new experiences that leave me most of the time forget all the pain of the past.
And ultimately it led me to Tomoko and all things connected with it. Ad astra!
Mimus Vitae ...
Only a small residual pain will remain forever if I think the best days of my life ...
Fall 2009:
last autumn again in Japan.
Influenced by Tomoko and thins the final phase of being in love and a meaningful relationship beginnt.
Leider war es auch der Auftakt eines weiteren Kapitels im Buch "Fernbeziehung", welches wahrlich harter Tobak ist ...
Herbst 2010:
Und wieder ein neuer Aufbruch! Wer weiß schon, was der Rest des Jahres für uns alle bereithält?
Halcyon and on and on ...
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